333 ways to get kicked out of AshClan
by BlueClaw the Totodile
Summary: Blissheart is a very strange cat and the mishap she has brought upon her Clan is hilarious! This story is in progress and will be updated after the main story has had a chapter come out. feel free to send in ideas!
1. 1-12

"Hi! I'm Raventail, my sister Blissheart was a really strange cat; actually she still is. The Author of this story decided to call it 333 ways to get kicked out of AshClan but I would really call it The Troubles With Blissheart. This is mainly focused on when she was an apprentice because that was when she was at her weirdest…"

**1 Become an apprentice.  
**"Blisskit from this moment on until you receive your warrior name you shall be known as Blisspaw, your mentor will be Ebonyfur" said Silverstar.  
The clan warmly greeted the new apprentices.  
"Ravenpaw! Blisspaw! Rowanpaw! Opalpaw!"  
Suddenly Blisspaw stood up  
"I have something to say…"  
The clan looked at her strangely.  
"Do you wanna build a snow man!? Or ride a bike around the halls?"  
Silverstar was starting to reconsider making her an apprentice.

**2 Play Pokémon.  
**"Blisspaw come out it's time to do some training!" called Ebonyfur  
The apprentice didn't seem to notice her but called out,  
"Go Typhlosion kill that Dragonite"  
Ebonyfur was concerned, she peeped into the den. Blisspaw was playing a DSi  
"are you okay?" Her mentor asked  
"I'm PERFECTLY FINE ITS JUST THIS STUPID DRAGONITE WONT DIE!"  
Ebonyfur backed out of the den slowly. She ran to Silverstar's den  
"SILVERSTAR! HELP ME!"

**3 Train after playing Pokémon  
**Ebonyfur was _trying_ to get Blisspaw to train but she was too occupied calling out Pokémon moves to other apprentices.  
"Rowanpaw use FLAMETHROWER!" she cried  
Rowanpaw shrugged and used TAKEDOWN instead.  
"Noooo" said Blisspaw "you'll get recoil damage"  
True enough Rowanpaw was walking around dizzily.  
Ebonyfur attempted another method instead  
"umm, Blisspaw use TACKLE."  
Blisspaw obeyed instantly. She attacked Rowanpaw bowling him over.  
Ebonyfur grinned, she had found a way to make her train

**4 Go missing  
**"Has anyone seen Ebonyfur?" asked Silverstar  
Opalpaw shook her head  
"last I saw she was with Blisspaw."  
The leader and the apprentice searched the camp and they were nowhere to be seen.  
Suddenly Rowanpaw came bounding into camp  
"I found them!" he said breathlessly  
"show me" said Silverstar  
Rowanpaw led the AshClan leader and Opalpaw to a grassy clearing where Ebonyfur and Blisspaw were having a link battle on their DSi  
"yeah my Feraligatr totally KILLED your Typhlosion with WATER CANNON" cried Ebonyfur triumphantly  
"Umm" said Blisspaw "they only faint…"  
Ebonyfur started to rage "ALL THAT WORK, FOR NOTHING? AND THEY ONLY FAINT IT SHOULD'VE DIED!"  
The three other cats took this as a cue to leave.  
"She's becoming like Blisspaw!"

**5 Become obsessed with star wars  
**Blisspaw and Rowanpaw were fighting with 'Light sabres', actually they were sticks.  
"I AM YOUR FATHER" said Blisspaw in a raspy voice  
Rowanpaw chimed in with a "NOOOOOOOO!"  
The red-brown apprentice fell backward and pretended to fall.  
Ebonyfur watched in amusement, then had a sudden idea and ran off.  
She came back later holding a good sized stick in her jaws.  
"I shall defeat you Vader!"  
Silverstar gave a worried look to Fallenheart who shrugged.  
"Herbs won't heal this"

**6 Hide in a box  
**Silverstar was walking through a pretty grassy clearing looking for herbs. The sun shone brightly and the birds chirped in the trees. That's when he stubbed his toes on the box. How could've he not seen that coming. He shook the thought off. Suddenly the box called out,  
"Please don't hurt me! I'm just a box of tomatoes fairly!"  
Silverstar frowned, that voice was familiar… he pried open the box with one paw.  
Blisspaw burst out, with this weird curl on her head, saying  
"White flag! I surrender!" in an Italian accent  
Silverstar growled.  
Blisspaw fled for the safety of camp.

**7 Read warriors  
**"hey Fallenheart!" said Blisspaw "I was reading this awesome book; but in it there was this annoying blind grumpy cat like you!"  
"Really" growled Fallenheart, he was becoming increasingly frustrated with the apprentice, "was he a medicine cat too?"  
"Yes" said Blisspaw happily "how did you know?"  
Fallenheart was about to reply, but Ravenpaw came in.  
"Blisspaw your needed" he said and shot a sympathetic glance at the blind medicine cat  
Fallenheart harrumphed just like Jayfeather.

**8 Read a Fanfic  
**Blisspaw managed to get her paws on a computer. She was constantly hooked on her computer muttering about how long this author was taking to update their story. She suddenly had a great idea and started to write.

**9 Write a Fanfic  
**Ravenpaw came across Blisspaw's computer one day and instantly began to read the story she had posted. He had to admit it was great; that was until he found out the pairings Blisspaw had written.  
"BLISSPAW WHY ON EARTH AM I PAIRED UP WITH OPALPAW?!" he yowled angrily

**10 Sing a song  
**One morning Blisspaw was going around singing a song:  
"and I was like Baby, Baby oh"  
Silverstar came over in a flash.  
"I can tolerate most things you do" he growled "but just don't sing THAT"  
Blisspaw nodded making a mental note never to do it again. He looked angry…  
Later on Silverstar found himself humming that blasted tune

**11 Be something  
**Blisspaw was acting really strangely by rolling around and claiming to rescue mobinis from everyone. She also claimed that she could spin dash.  
it was weird.

**12 Become a warrior  
**… and Blisspaw from this moment on you shall be known as Blissheart!" said Silverstar  
Once again the clan greeted them; but Blissheart didn't seem to be paying attention.  
"Raventail, Rowanclaw, Opalpelt, Blissheart!"  
Blissheart stood up and said.  
"I think I got it, but just in case tell me again I wasn't listening at all."  
Silverstar sighed with exasperation while Ebonyfur laughed.

* * *

**And that's all folks!  
This is the Alphabetily one-shot challenge for CookieClan!  
The first person to PM me and tell me what 6, 11 and 12 came from they get cookies!  
Also this is going to possibly be discontinued… unless there are enough demands! :D  
one thing is that there may be a really long wait because I have heaps of stories to write  
Please review and send in ideas – it's always appreciated!  
Disclaimer I do not own: warriors and the other stuff in this story. Except for my stuff.**

**-Blue~**


	2. Authors note

**I've had so many requests but I don't have many ideas.**

**so if you have an idea feel free to PM with suggestions.**

**Also this may not get updated for a while because I'm working on another story and this was only meant to be a one shot.**

**if I get heapsa ideas I will continue.**

**Thanks,  
Blue~**


	3. Ashclan cats

**Here is the AshClan cats!**

* * *

**_ASHCLAN_**

**_Leader:  
_**Silverstar – silvery/grey tom with bright green eyes, loves chocolate and hates JB  
**_Deputy:  
_**Featherstorm – Longfurred she cat with black paws, has a good voice. Apprentice Lightpaw  
**_Medicine cat:  
_**Fallenheart – Brown tabby tom with darker paws and muzzle, blind and grumpy  
**_Warriors:  
_**Ebonyfur – Dark grey she cat with icy blue eyes, likes to play pokemon**_  
_**Jethawk – black tom with icy blue eyes, likes Blissheart.  
Whisperingbrook – sandy coloured she cat with bright green eyes, used to be a kittypet. Apprentice Cedarpaw  
Blissheart – Brown she cat with darker brown paws and amber eyes, really random. Apprentice Rosepaw  
Raventail –black tom with one white paw and green eyes, Blissheart's brother  
Rowanclaw – red/brown tom with white toes and blue eyes, likes starwars  
Opalpelt – long furred she cat with dark grey flecks, light blue eyes. Bad sense of humour  
**_Apprentices:  
_**Lightpaw/spirit – Creamy coloured she cat with bright green eyes  
Cedarpaw/pelt – Brown/red tom with white muzzle and blue eyes  
Rosepaw/frost – Light brown she cat with white socks and amber eyes  
**_Queens:_**

**_Elders:  
_**Snakeheart- white tom with black paws and green eyes  
Bramblescar – Brown tabby tom with blue eyes, former medicine cat

* * *

**Next chapter coming soon!**


	4. 13-17

"It's me Raventail again, Hi! Well my sister just took a turn for the worst and it went really bad. Even after becoming a warrior! The whole clan was swept up in the madness. Even me..."

**13\. Get a pet  
**Rowanclaw was creeping silently through the forest. Tracking down prey for his clan.  
He paused suddenly. There was a rustle in the grass. The red-brown tom crept forward slowly. In front of him was a white long furred rodent.  
Rowanclaw bunched his haunches and prepared to strike.  
Suddenly Blissheart burst from the nearby long grass,  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
The creature continued eating not fussed about the two cats.  
Rowanclaw stood up and angrily,  
"You just messed up my lunch!"  
"You can't it that!" Protested Blissheart "It's too cute"  
The tom sighed, "let's go back to camp"  
When they got back to camp Silverstar was confused  
"What is that?"  
Rowanclaw muttered angrily "It WAS my lunch"

**14\. Fangirl  
**Opalpelt had just recently given birth to Rowanclaws kits.  
Blissheart decided to visit her friend in the nursery.  
At the entrance to the nursery she screamed,  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
Jethawk came rushing over,  
"Whats the matter?" he asked, ready to defend the she-cat  
Blissheart squeaked "they're so sooo CUTE!"  
The black tom and Opalpelt exchanged a quick worried glance.

**15\. Play hide and seek  
**Ebonyfur became bored one day so she decided to organise a game of hide and seek.  
"SILVERSTAR!"  
"what?" said the AshClan leader grumpily  
"Come play hide and seek with us!" mewed Ebonyfur with her best cute kitty face.  
Reluctantly Silverstar agreed. Even Fallenheart had a try.  
Hours later the cats gathered in the clearing.  
"Has any one seen Silverstar?" asked Featherstorm  
Every one shook their head.  
"I FOUND HIM!" yowled Blissheart.  
The warriors ran over to the holding pen where the guinea pig lived.  
Silverstar was curled up asleep with Mr. Nibbles, who Raventail had insised WAS a girl.  
The guinea pig sat happily eating grass while the leader snored loudly.  
"I'm surprised we didn't hear him before we found him" said Ink.

**16\. Be a villain.  
** "Okay let's do this!" called Blissheart "Alright Ebonyfur, Fallenheart, Featherstorm, Raventail, Opalpelt and Silverstar you will be the heroes."  
the cats nodded in agreement.  
Blissheart turned toward the remaining cats, grinning evilly,  
"And we shall be the bad guys"  
she turned and walked out of camp with Jethawk, Ink and Rowanclaw in tow.  
when they had left Silverstar asked;  
"So what now?"  
They got their answer soon enough. A glowing green orb floated into camp. A sly voice echoed from it.  
_"If you want these three back you will have to come and get them."  
_The orb shifted to show Opalpelt's three kits, Cedarkit, Rosekit and Lightkit.  
"How do we know it's them?" Asked Silverstar  
_"Do you think this will help us become apprentices?"  
"What in being kitten-knapped?"  
_Opalpelt sighed "that's them"  
The orbs view shifted once again to show Blissheart  
_"If you want them back you will have to find me, I don't know how long I can put up with this, so... let's say until sundown"  
_Lightkit noticed what Blissheart was saying and mewed  
_"Hey she's started monologue again! I bet she will reveal her entire plan!"  
_Blissheart grimaced,  
_"Ugh, goodbye!"  
_the orb flicked and vanished  
"I've always wondered how she does that_._" Mewed Ebonyfur "I could never do it"

**17\. Monologue  
**"We found you!" cried Fallenheart triumphantly  
"and before the deadline too!" added Raventail  
Blissheart smiled slyly "well done to make it this far" she grinned at her subjects "detain them all and leave Twilight Spark- sorry Raventail for me."  
Jethawk, Rowanclaw and Ink attacked the others.  
Blissheart cricled around Raventail who defiantly said  
"you cannot defeat us we have love on our side!_"  
_Blissheart grinned "love is fickle love can be changed"  
the two engaged in battle. Blissheart pulled away  
"I can feel the comet approaching and my power heightening"  
she was interrupted by the yowling of the other cats.  
Blissheart cast them an angry glare  
"It is awfully hard to monologue when you peons are being so loud!"

* * *

**Sorry for the short chapter the next one will be so much longer!  
there were so many My Little Pony references! If you haven't read The Return of Queen Chrysilis, make sure you do.  
Please review and keep the ideas coming!  
Blue~**


	5. 18-24

"Greetings I'm Silverstar and I'm the leader of AshClan. Ever since Blissheart was born things started to tumble downhill for our Clan! She even tried to take me hostage!"

**18 get an apprentice  
**"… and Rosekit your mentor shall be Blissheart" mewed Silverstar.  
Blissheart and Rosepaw bounced up and down happily  
"YAYAYAYAYAYA!"  
The clan cheered for the new apprentices and their mentors:  
"Lightpaw! Featherstorm! Cedarpaw! Whisperingbrook! Rosepaw! Blissheart!"  
" I hope this was a good idea to give her an apprentice." Muttered Silverstar

**19 Get put in a mental asylum  
**"The clan has had enough of this madness!" cried Silverstar "she must go!"  
Faint echoes of Blissheart's singing came through the den  
"I'm a little tea pot short and stout…"  
Fallenheart nodded "we are already up to the third chapter of this! Way number 18 to be exact! "  
The other cats reluctantly agreed.  
They could now visit her from 8am to 8pm on weekdays at StarClan Happy Happy Mental Institute

**20 Bust out of a mental asylum  
**_I may be the author of this story but I still have no idea how Cedarpaw, Rosepaw, Lightpaw and Ebonyfur managed to get Blissheart out of StarClan Happy Happy Mental Institute.  
It completely befuddles me._

**21 Rage  
**"Hey have you guys seen the difference in Blissheart?" asked Jethawk "she seems a whole lot shorter!"  
When the black tom mentioned that she was short Blissheart raged and started throwing things around the camp, and attacking Jethawk.  
"I. AM. NOT. SHORT!" she yowled.  
Jethawk staggered over to Fallenheart.  
"Help me…" he mewed weakly.

**22 Forget your superiors aren't traitors/aliens  
**Silverstar was caged up in the guinea pig pen with Mr. Nibbles happily eating grass.  
"Let me out!" He demanded, the guinea pig was starting to annoy him. He stared at it hungrily.  
Blissheart saw his intense gaze and scolded him. "No! Be a good until I get my equipment so I can test whether you are an alien or not."  
"…and if I am an alien?" prompted Silverstar.  
Blissheart grinned "then you are a traitor…. And you know what happens to traitors…"  
Silverstar gulped.  
Blissheart padded away laughing.  
The AshClan leader sighed. That cat was impossible…

One hour later Blissheart came back with Jethawk.  
The black tom apologised.  
"So sorry Silverstar I managed to change her mind."  
Silverstar nodded as he was released from the cage.  
Blissheart smiled, "I'm sorry you're not an alien…." she mewed, not meaning it at all.  
Jethawk looked at Silverstar.  
Blissheart headed off and muttered quietly "there are other ways to prove my theory….."

**23 Become obsessed with DNA  
**"DNA!" cried Blissheart, as she plucked a strand of hair from Fallenheart's fur.  
"Oow!" he whirled around, but the brown she-cat was gone.  
Blissheart crept up on Featherstorm, plucked out a hair and cried "DNA!"  
She ran off laughing weirdly. Featherstorm sighed and rubbed her sore flank.  
"DNA!" she yowled when she pulled one of Snakeheart's whiskers out.  
The elderly black and white tom didn't react.  
Blissheart scowled "that wasn't fun."  
Silverstar watched from a distance and consulted Whisperingbrook.  
"What do you think it is this time?"  
The former kittypet shrugged.  
"No idea."

**24 Clone cats  
**"hey! Featherstorm! Ebonyfur!" called Whisperingbrook, leaping after them.  
Whisperingbrook froze suddenly.  
There were multiple Featherstorms and Ebonyfurs. And even Fallenhearts!  
Whisperingbrook smiled at a joke, one grumpy medicine cat was enough, but now there were many!  
"So this is what she did with the 'DNA'" said Silverstar.  
"Yup" agreed Whisperingbrook.

* * *

**YAYAYAYA! UPDATE!  
Thanks to LavenderCrystalofRoses and The sky In A Cage Is Too Tiny for their suggestions!  
No one has guessed where 6, 11 and 12 came from and if you get the reference in 19 PM me and you get a prize!  
For all you people who like to be random and enjoy role-play you should join my forum! We do weird things like Blissheart all the time.  
Keep the ideas coming and I'll see you next time!  
Blue~**


	6. Super Special 25-26

**25 Put up mistletoe**

During the recent Christmas party, Whisperingbrook decided to put a sprig of mistletoe above Blissheart's head.

That caused madness.

Jethawk started laughing.

Ebonyfur put a sprig of mistletoe on a fishing rod and hung it above Jethawk's head.

Lightpaw put some on Whisperingbrook's head.

Jethawk started to run around in circles to avoid the mistletoe.

Whisperingbrook tried to pull the mistletoe off her head and cried "Why won't it come off!"

Ebonyfur put the mistletoe on a RC helicopter and used it to chase Jethawk.

Lightpaw laughed next to Whisperingbrook. "It wont because I'm the only one who cant make it!"

Jethawk stopped to curl up in the corner.

Ebonyfur's helicopter flew above Jethawk and stopped, while Ebonyfur murrowed "I am win."

Lightpaw wondered where Cedarpaw was and why Blissheart hadn't done anything yet.

Whisperingbrook sighed "this is madness."

Jethawk hid in a box labelled "Jethawk's not here." After a minute, a new piece of paper was on the box, calling "_This! Is! SPARTA!"_

Blissheart glanced up at the mistletoe and sighed.

Ebonyfur and Lightpaw started throwing fruit at each other.

Jethawk's box produced a few papayas.

Blissheart glanced at her watch. "Oh I've gotta go!" she stood up. "See ya! Oh and…." She went to Jethawk's box and lifted it up. Smiling she kissed the top of Jethawk's head. "Merry Christmas!"

Jethawk, after Blissheart left, fainted.

**26 randomly browse things on the internet.**

Blissheart pulled out her trusty laptop and looked on random people's FanFiction profiles.

She found something very interesting and began to fill it out.

**_Write down 12 cat names in no particular order!  
_**_1\. Silverstar  
2\. Featherstorm  
3\. Fallenheart  
4\. Jethawk  
5\. Ebonyfur  
6\. Jethawk  
7\. Whisperingbrook  
8\. Raventail  
9\. Rowanclaw  
10\. Opalpelt  
11\. Lightpaw  
12\. Rosepaw_

**_1) Do you think Four is hot? How hot?_**

Blissheart smiled, this one was easy.

_Yeah, very good looking tom he is._

**_2) What would happen if Three got Four pregnant?_**

Blissheart recoiled in shock "WHAT!"

_…no comment…_

**_3) Five/Eight or Five/Ten?_**

Blissheart smiled

_Five/Eight oh yeah_

**_4) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic._**

_Rowanclaw look out FALLENHEART IS GOING TO STEAL YOUR MATE!_

**_5) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic._**

Blissheart was stumped so she wrote whatever came to mind.

_I'll be there for you…  
(Rosepaw: I'm an apprentice…)  
__**6) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?  
**__RUN FOR YOUR LIFE_

Blissheart smirked, that's just wrong….

**_7)_**_ (1) and (7) are in a happy relationship __**(What the...?) **__until (9) runs off with (4) (__**What?!). **__(1), brokenhearted, __**(Well he'd have to have a heart to break)**__ has a hot one-night stand with (11)__**(Now that's just wrong.)**__and a brief unhappy affair with (12) __**(I can see why),**__ then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3) __**(Now that's the worst one so far!).**_

_Translated:  
Silverstar and Whisperingbrook are in a happy relationship __**(What the...?) **__until Rowanclaw runs off with Jethawk (__**What?!). **__Silverstar, broken hearted, __**(Well he'd have to have a heart to break)**__ has a hot one-night stand with Lightpaw __**(Now that's just wrong.) **__and a brief unhappy affair with Rosepaw __**(I can see why),**__ then follows the wise advice of Ebonyfur and finds true love with Fallenheart. __**(Now that's the worst one so far!).**_

Blissheart grinned evilly, if only her clan knew the stuff she had just written…

* * *

**Whew that was a weird chapter, and a long one at that!  
I don't own 25, and 26 was just weird….  
Keep the ideas coming!  
Till the next chapter!**

**~Blue**


	7. announcement

**I am very sorry to announce that my active stories: 333 ways... and Descending Darkness are going to be paused until next school term.  
this is due to the fact that i am now having to study for exams and then i will be going away on holiday.  
I can still beta read for you if you wish tho.**

**Sorry for the inconveniences; **

** Blue~**

**a.k.a: Shadows That Rise In The Night**


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